[Note: I confess that this
essay is very badly written (and you know it is very badly written when I use two adverbs together to describe it). Sadly, over the years, I have
downloaded too many freebie e-novels that weren’t written much better than this.]
Talk about being a drama
queen; I think I was at my best with this essay. Well, at the time; later, I
did top it as a college freshman. Unfortunately, the writing in this is really
bad, well, more like terrible. But what the heck, I was seventeen when I wrote
it. I’m fairly certain I typed this draft on a manual typewriter. During typing
class, when, of course, I should have been practicing whatever lesson we were
supposed to practice that day. And I sucked at typing on any form of a manual
typewriter. My fingers were too short to reach the keys correctly. That’s my
story, and I’m sticking to it.
I’ve modified the essay just
a tiny bit, but this version contains 99 percent of the original material,
minus the typos and weird punctuation, of course. However, I did retain all
those strangely structured sentences, the weird word usage, and those awful
adverbs—ugh. I’ve also added comments in brackets. Names of all participants
have been changed to (hopefully) prevent anyone reading this from figuring out
who they really were.
This version isn’t complete;
the last page seems to be missing. So this probably was a rough draft. I must
have edited the story a bit because I’m sure I showed a “clean copy” to “Jeremy”
(a high school boyfriend, more or less, mostly less as it turned out). I made
him read a lot of the crazy stuff I wrote. He never told me I was crazy, except
the time that “Kate” and I stalked his brother “Roddy” by trailing him down the
street for about a half mile one Columbus Day, back in the Mid-Jurassic Period.
Oh, wait; it was Roddy who told Jeremy we were crazy. (Sorry, Roddy, we were
really bored that day, and you just happened to walk by. We saw an opportunity
and we took it.)
Thinking about it now, I
wonder how we ever got into this mess. Making that remark wasn’t like “Jenna.”
We We’re Minding Our Own Business When…
Every year, some
organization in the next town [Fire Dept.?] sponsors a carnival. I think it
goes on for the better part of a week. My four friends and I went to the
carnival for three nights in a row. By the third night we felt like veterans [lame usage here].
Passing by a certain bunch
of guys we knew, I could sense Roddy and “Max” staring at me behind my back
[Yeah, I know, adolescent paranoia.] You’d think I committed a crime. [Huh! Jeremy
cheated on me; well, I guess maybe he cheated on both of us. Yeah, he did.] But
I wasn’t at the carnival to brood over my personal problems [even though I did anyway]. Thoughts of
Roddy’s boyish looking [Well, he was a boy.] younger brother, Jeremy, never wandered far from my mind or my heart. [OMG, I can’t believe I wrote that, but I was sixteen
(at the time this brouhaha happened) and thought I was “in luuuve.”]
The five of us decided to split up. Kate, “Cindy”, and I
stayed together, while Jenna and “Sally” went off together in another
direction. Kate talked Cindy into having a picture taken at the photo booth, so
we went over there.
About twenty minutes later, we were standing in front of
the photo booth when Sally came racing up to us, trailed closely by Jenna whose
appearance had suddenly changed from one of exemplary to that of chaotic. Her
long, honey-brown hair [honey brown?],
which had been pulled back into a french twist, now looked disheveled and uncombed [redundant]. To me, her
appearance relayed the impression that she had just slugged it out with
someone. How right I was!
Breathlessly
[How’s that for an adverb?], Jenna and Sally had pieced together their little
escapade of a few minutes ago. They had been standing in front of the
motorcycle exhibition when Sally made some reference to Hoody Guy who was
practically the star attraction of that racket. A couple of nights previously,
he had made clear his interest in Sally
[In other words, he tried to hit on her.].
Although the feeling was NOT mutual, Sally made some
remark about him. It was just her bad luck that the two girls standing in front
of them didn’t exactly appreciate Sally’s praise of Hoody Guy’s masculine
attributes [Whatever the heck they
were. Sally may have been impressed, but I wasn’t.] In fact, their dislike was
so intense that they started bugging Jenna.
Jenna was wearing a very nice pair of slacks. One of the
girls said to her, “So, you think you’ve got hot pants.”
“No,” Jenna said. “I think they’re cool.”
The girl apparently didn’t
much like that answer. She had slapped Jenna across the face and started
pulling her hair. Sally, completely stunned, had backed off and watched the affair [weird choice of word] from a
safe distance. Finally, Jenna got away and she and Sally went looking for the
rest of the crew.
As we listened to the details, Kate, Cindy, and I began
to feel pangs [another weird choice
of word] of revenge surge within us
[Oh, the drama---and the insanity.] In a wild moment of madness [That explains it.], we all hollered, “Let’s go get
them.” After securing [Oh, puhlezzze!]
a description of the two from Jenna and Sally, the five of us courageously set
out to finish what Sally had unwillingly started.
Halfway to our destination, a thought suddenly hit me
like a bombshell [Yikes!]. Calling
our little army [Well, fits in with bombshell.] to an abrupt halt, I asked
Jenna to repeat her description of the girls. She did: one blonde, one
brunette. Oh, brother, I had seen those two here before. And man, were they
ever something. My idea of two typical sluts [is writing sluts politically correct these days?], and how right I was.
Realizing that we weren’t fooling with just anybody, I
began to think things over. However, the determination of the others dissolved [weird word again] any fears
I might have had at the moment. Chins set firmly [s/b chins firmly set for consistency
w/fists phrase] and fists tightly clenched, the five of us continued on in
our search for trouble.
We found it, or rather, it found us halfway around the
carnival grounds. That’s when we sighted
[Oh, you’ve got to be kidding.] our opponents heading in our direction.
Personally, I’d rather have sighted a saber-toothed tiger and a dinosaur
instead, but that’s life, so they say [really
lame sentence, and weird too]. Just about then, I thought life was getting
to be pretty crazy and a little dangerous [Got even crazier a couple of weeks
later, but that’s another story involving an “open house” event, a minor
accident, and a state trooper.].
Our courage began to fail as
we previewed [ugh] our opposition.
We unanimously decided against violence and continued on our way, ignoring the
two. Unfortunately they decided not to be ignored. We all cautioned one another
not to get excited [Panic would be a better word here.] as
the pair began trailing after us. After all, there were five of us and only two
of them.
I walked about five yards ahead of the others, with Kate
close behind [We were scared out of our
minds at this point.]. Intuition told me there was going to be trouble, and
again, how right I was [I seemed to
be right a lot]. Making up my mind, I turned to Kate, “I’m going to find a
cop.”
“No,” Kate said, “If my mom and dad see this….” [Kate and
Jenna’s parents were also at the carnival that night.]
Ignoring Kate’s protest, I
raced to the animal [sheep? cows? pigs?] exhibition where I found a rather
elderly gentleman who was certainly far from my idea of a cop [I favored State Troopers;
they looked good in uniform.] but it apparently suited the person who had the
audacity to pin that badge on the man’s shirt. And as long as he was endowed
with that shiny symbol of authority, he would do. [Oh, puhlezzze!]
Attempting not to appear too worried [actually too freaked out], I told the officer that two
girls were apparently determined to start something with my friends and me. I
explained that they had evidently [way
too many adverbs in this thingy] singled out one of my friends to push
around.
Without any sign
of surprise [Happened all the time, I guess.], he followed me almost
mechanically to one area of the carnival where a crowd had gathered. Shoving my
way through the human mess, I blinked my eyes in disbelief at the sight before
me. The Blonde had grabbed Jenna’s long brown hair and, by that means was
whirling her around [bad sentence].
Jenna was no match for the girl, who, by her attitude of pugnacity
[pugnacious attitude], conveyed to me the impression that she was, most likely,
the veteran of several similar disagreements.
I knew that I had to do something. But what? Realization
hit me like a rocket [Oh, puhleeze!
Yeah, I know redundant expression.] as I turned my shocked gaze and discovered to my horror [No, really?] that Jenna
wasn’t the only one being thrown around. Kate, standing stunned on one side of
the crowd, was about to be charged by the Brunette, who looked no less friendly [This should either
have been less friendly or no more friendly, but whatever.] than
her companion.
In the midst of all this excitement, whom did I happen to
glance upon standing bewildered among the spectators but Sally and the equally
dazed Cindy.
I knew what I had to do. As the Brunette came racing
toward Kate, I charged into her with all my strength, and as she retreated in
surprise, I yelled in her face with all
the audacity within me [sure], “You leave her alone!”
Caught off guard, the Brunette fell back, startled. “What
are you butting in for?” she yelled.
Before I had a chance to yell a smart remark in return
and before she had the chance to reciprocate the attack, the slightly tardy
police officer (or whatever he was), who didn’t seem much interested in the
first place, calmly wandered into the circle and broke everything up. The
crowd, disappointed because the battle had culminated
in the first round [Wonder what the heck that was supposed to mean?], faded
away in amusement [ugh].
Hoping against hope that we had seen the last of that
pleasant pair, Jenna, Kate, and I rounded up the two non-participants and
proceeded to continue our tour of the carnival grounds. This time we stuck
together.
About twenty minutes later, while standing before one of
the many amusement booths, I learned to our great dismay that fate was against
us. When turning around, I noticed the enemy sneaking up behind us. Not
rejoicing at this present development, I concluded that I’d just better find
that cop again.
I walked away from the booth at a normal pace. Kate came
up behind me. “I think they’re going to start something,” she whispered. “I
heard one of them say ‘you take this one, and I’ll take that one.’”
The next thing I knew, one of the girls grabbed my coat
[Why the heck was I dragging a coat around? It was July.] “Where do you think
you’re going?” she demanded.
“I’m going to get a cop,” I said in exactly the tone of
voice that I had been addressed.
“And why are you going to get a cop?” the Blonde asked.
“Because,” I retorted, “I don’t like the way you’re
treating my friends.”
Apparently, that wasn’t the answer they were looking for,
because the next thing I knew I was being slapped across the face. As I
realized my true plight, I began to panic. I wanted to run, and then the Blonde
smacked me good with her experienced little hand.
Courage renewed, I threw down my sweater [What the heck happened to my coat?] and began kicking wildly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw
Kate shoving her way through the crowd that had gathered.
[Unfortunately, the last page of this story got lost
somewhere between the Mid-Jurassic Period and now. However, here’s how it
ended: Kate grabbed onto a post and started kicking the Brunette in the
stomach. About two minutes later Kate and Jenna’s parents wandered into the
scene and broke up the fight. Blonde and Brunette took off, never to be seen
again that evening.
A few minutes later, we discussed the situation with two
or three guys who began talking to us. They were strangers to us, but they knew
the other girls and their reputations. The guys walked around the carnival with
us for the remainder of the evening, for protection, I guess. I don’t remember
who they were; I (more or less, less as it turned out) had a boyfriend at the
time, so I wasn’t interested. At any rate, we didn’t become permanent friends
with them, which probably is just as well.]
